Yesterday we memorialized my mom after an 81 year life of service to her God and family. In her obituary, I wrote how my mom was mostly in the background throughout life. In her later years especially, she spoke in softened tones that couldn’t compete with the boisterous conversations that took place around her. So many times she tried to say things that were of importance to her, and so many times she was barely heard. In spite of this, she never complained, she just kept on being the sweet person that she was as she served those around her, especially my dad and her kids.
Mom did not have an easy childhood from a financial perspective. She was never wealthy in that way throughout her life, but she was provided for. She loved simple things, like big rings with fake gems. I must have bought her a half dozen of them over the years. She loved plants and flowers and the last one I gave her was this past Mother’s Day – a single tulip in a modest vase. My mom was also sentimental and that has been passed down to me. She hung on to everything. Recently, I found out from dad that she still had the blanket the hospital wrapped me up with almost 60 years ago. A few years ago she began the process of giving some things to me that she kept, like my certificates from a national piano guild that I participated in between the ages of 8 and 12. She also gave me an old photo that I barely remembered of – just the three of us, mom, dad, and a 1 year old chubby baby they called Robbie.
Much was said yesterday about her devotion to children. She loved them. She watched over them, cared for them, and taught them about Jesus. My spirit was buoyed by the testimonies of kids who grew up and still remembered how my mom took care of them. I am deeply honored to be the first of scores of kids she nurtured. When I was 2, her and my dad taught me to sing, and had the foresight to record the litany of hymns and children’s songs I belted out in my little “hick” drawl. As I aged a little, she began teaching me memory verses from the Bible to recite.
There is one song, however, that I have never shook. I will always remember it because my mom sung it to me so many times. It was called “Horace the Horse”. For most of my life, I never questioned its origin, but a few years back in this age of “googling” I went to work trying to find the lyrics (only a few I remembered) and who wrote it and sung it. It didn’t take long to discover it was recorded and sung by Burl Ives in 1957 on a children’s album called Capt. Burl Ives Ark and was written by Cy Coben and Charles Grean.
Here are some of the lyrics
Horace the horse on the merry-go-round…went up and down..round and round
He’s been sad since the day he found he’s the very last horse on the merry-go-round.
Sounds kinda depressing for a children’s song doesn’t it? In fact, as a child, I can still remember feeling waves of sadness about this poor carousel horse who is not only last – as he sees it – but perpetually last. But then as the lyrics progress, Horace has an epiphany when he realizes “Gosh, oh gee I’m the very first horse on the merry-go-round ’cause the others are following me”
This sadness about the horse has followed me my entire life because as a child, I only remembered the beginning of the song. Also, this sadness has transferred to how I feel about my mom. Because I so closely associated the song with mom, I started to feel sadness that she spent her whole life being ignored or forgotten…perpetually last.
Then in my grieving this week, I scoured passages in Luke and Matthew where Jesus says that some who are “first” in this life, will be last in the next, and those who are last will be first.
Just like how in the song, Horace the horse gained a new perspective about his position on the carousel, I gained new perspective about my mom this past week. In this life, she was heard by the King and she was noticed by the King. And now, because she did the seemingly little things in this life – like watching over children, teaching them songs and scripture, loving her family, and quietly serving her God, she is now first on the carousel. May we all take note, and follow her.
Grace Breaks 