Near trembling I type this. I struggle with anxiety that is paralyzing. The thoughts that storm my mind wield fiery darts dripping with poison. I sleep well at times but wake up in the middle of the night being called into a battle that I am unwilling to fight. If I felt strong enough to fight, I would, but mostly I feel like one who is being taken captive over and over again.

Sunday sermons are dry melba toast to me at the moment, no matter how well-crafted they may be. Every book I’ve read, sermon I’ve heard, and song I’ve sung or had sung to me are clanging gongs. My prayers are few and even those are wilting under the sun of guilt, regret, and shame. “I believe..Help my unbelief” are the most uplifting and confusing words in scripture. My heart constantly races to the drum of “what-if” and “why didn’t you”. Even superficial distractions no longer grab the cymbal. Maybe distractions are the Trojan horse.

In light of everything I just wrote as spontaneously as I could be, I took a chance on Psalm 46 and Psalm 45 (via Shane & Shane) — personal application highlighted below –as follows:

Psalm 46

Oh, God of Jacob, fierce and great
You lift your voice to speak
The earth, it bows
And all the mountains move into the sea
Oh Lord, you know the hearts of men
And still you let them live
Oh God, who makes the mountains melt
Come wrestle us and win
Oh God, who makes the mountains melt
Come wrestle us and win

Lord of Hosts, You’re with us
With us in the fire
With us as a shelter
With us in the storm
You will lead us
Through the fiercest battle
Oh, where else would we go
But with the Lord of Hosts

Though oceans roar, You are the Lord of all
The One who calms the wind and waves and makes my heart be still
Though the earth gives way, the mountains move into the sea
The nations rage, I know my God is in control

Psalm 45 (just a portion)

You ransomed Your bride
On the day that You died
Ascended to heaven in glory
She stands clothed in white
With her head lifted high, signing
“Come and Return in your glory”

We often apply the phrase “Come and Return” to global suffering and that is needed, but how often do we apply it to personal suffering? He invites us to do so.