Sometimes as a worship leader, you run into a little unexpected chaos. Yesterday we had a couple of patriotic video clips that ran amok in the service. Actually, they didn’t run anywhere, they clogged up like maple syrup and went nowhere as I stood helplessly staring at the screen while the congregation sat uncomfortably in their seats. We always test these videos beforehand to make sure they work correctly so as not to endure these awkward circumstances. But sometimes, no amount of preparation can prevent a little chaos from time to time. To add insult to injury, not only did the video software malfunction,
the cd player also died because we were supposed to have some patriotic
music playing as people greeted each other.
Admittedly, when these things happen, my first thought is how stupid I look. After all, I am ultimately responsible for what happens in that 30 minutes of worship. Maybe that’s my problem; thinking that I’m ultimately responsible.
My personal test of character was chaos yesterday, and in some people’s eyes it may have looked as if I passed the test. After all, I could have went upstairs and grabbed the computer and thrown it over the balcony in disgust, or I could have blamed other people and distanced myself. No, I just apologized and continued with the service.
But did I pass the test? No one knows but me and God. So allow me a little disclosure when I say that I didn’t pass the test. Because even though the outside may have seemed "in control", the insides were imploding. And that’s where God tests us. He doesn’t test our outward behavior as much as he tests our heart condition. Time and time again, usually unbeknownst to others around me, he tests my "heart’s response". When faced with chaos in our lives, how do we respond? Not outwardly, but inwardly! Where do our emotions take us? Do they take us to bitterness and resentfulness, or do they naturally go the way of Christ? Peace and joy.
Finally, let me add that it’s ok to fail the test. God doesn’t grade them. His glory is found in our failed tests which produces his fruit in us.